WARNING: This article is auto-tagged for potentially containing spoilers. If you are looking for spoiler free content turn back now! Last chance!
Follow me on Twitter: @vqfucci
REFRESH YOUR BROWSER EVERY 5 MINUTES
Tonight... an Animal turns loose...
A package reflecting Martin Luther King asks to “Keep The Dream Alive”
The McMahon-Helmsley Faction welcomes everyone to Monday Night Raw. The Road To Wrestlemania starts this Sunday with the Royal Rumble. Triple H would like to welcome back one of the thirty participants of the Rumble match. A former member of Evolution…
Randy Orton comes out with purpose. Randy wants to know who do does the Faction think they are. Stephanie gets on the mic, says they are the changing the guys changing the WWE. They are launching the WWE Network. Stephanie runs down Orton losing to Kofi.
[Recap of Orton/Kofi]
Stephanie really got her angry scrunch face on by saying that Randy attacked an old man with his back turned. She says it might have been something that used to be looked over but no WWE champion is going to act like that.
Orton says this is their entire fault as to why he’s hearing voices in his head again. Where’s R-Truth to lead the conspiracy march? Triple H was responsible for bringing back Brock and now Batista. Orton says he’s he feels that the cards are beginning to be stacked against him.Triple H gets on the mic and tells Orton to lose the bass. Drop-a da ba-ass. HHH feels that Orton lost focus evidently by losing to Kofi last week.
Triple H tells Randy that he’ll have a chance to get right again tonight.
And here comes….The Animal BATISTA! The familiar entrance is made, Batista gets in the ring and hits all four corners posing and looking out to the crowd.
Batista kisses the mat, embraces Hunter and Steph and asks Orton for a hug who declines. Instead Randy extends his hand. He says Hi to Randy, reiterates that is he back and no matter if it’s him or John Cena, he is coming for the World Heavyweight title.
Big E. Langston, Cody Rhodes, & Goldust Vs. The Shield
Dean and Cody start the match, trade some punches and Ambrose tags in Rollins while Cody tags in Goldust. Quick strikes by Dust, quick tag back into Cody. Cody drops Seth with a delayed vertical Suplex and Goldust back in. The Rhodes Boys working really well as a team. Goldust, Cody, and it stops there with the tags as Rollins regains control but not for long as Cody counters and goes on the offense. Bob Holly Hanging Rope kick to the mid-section of Rollins and an attempt for a Disaster Kick makes Seth bail from the ring. Cody launches himself over the top rope onto Rollins! The Shield regroup and the faces stand tall in the ring.
Splash! King just made a joke about the WWE facts, haha. Cody drops Roman Reigns down with a Disaster Kick after Seth Rollings quickly makes the tag. But now Big E. Langston gets the hot tag and starts to clean house. Reigns and Ambrose are the legal men. Big E. clotheslines Reigns out, Hit Stick to Ambrose, Rollins tries to bum rush him but gets tossed for his trouble. Dean Ambrose is on the second rope setting up for a Double Axe Handle smash but Big E. catches him and over-head Belly To Belly suplex! Cody tries to come in for another Diaster Kick but Roman Reigns hits him with a Superman Punch, taking him out! Goldust tries to fight Roman now but ends up with a Spear. Big E. is out of focus, eats a Blackout from Seth Rollins (who is the legal man) and picks up the win.
Winners: The Shield
-Daniel Bryan/Wyatt Family Recap from last week- DB talks next!
Daniel Bryan is in the ring…ringing in the Yes chants. A-ha A-ha. This pop he gets is unbelievable. Daniel takes a jab at someone saying he can't be the face of the company. Bryan goes onto talking about joining the Wyatt Family and says he had to mentally beat Bray so he kept quiet, kept friends in the dark but he waited for his chance to get Bray and he took it inside the cage last week. Daniel isn’t a follower and now he’s exposed Bray Wyatt. Daniel Bryan and Bray Wyatt is made for a match at the Rumble. YES! YES! YES!
Wyatt cut, Bray on the tron. He laughs at Daniel saying he exposed nothing. The people embraced him with his free wings and these people that cheer for him now knee for a traitor. He tells Daniel to go home and hug Mom. Laugh and cut.
Fandango Vs. Xavier Woods
Fan-dangggg-ooo and Summer Rae’s legs are in the ring. R-Truth is at commentary. Xavier out and ready to wrassle. Crowd is dead but these guys keep it at a quick pace. Fandango hits a nice falcon arrow to drop Xavier. FanDANGooo goes to the top, Leg Drop, that’s all she wrote. Emma from NXT is shown and acknowledged in the crowd.
Backstage, Stephanie berates Kane about attacking CM Punk on Smackdown. Stephanie demands Kane apologize to Punk.
Raw returns as Kanes entrance music hits and he comes down to the ring. They do a playback of Smackdown last Thursday to CM Punk being chokeslammed by Kane.
Kane calls out CM Punk in his 1997 Red Light Special. Punk makes his way out.
Kane explains himself. CM Punk says he didn’t hear him. Kane apologizes again. Crowd wants to hear it “One More Time” LuLz Punk says he doesn’t need to hear it again, it’s cool, he’s sorry too and Punk attacks him. Kane stumbles out of the ring. Rad Brad comes out, tells Kane to stop, and says Punk will fight but not him. One of two guys. Out come the New Age Outlaws. Humph, NAO on a semi-regular is pretty rad. See what I did there? Billy Gunn wins Rock, Paper, and Scissors.
Billy Gunn Vs. CM Punk
Punk takes control. He clobbers Gunn, stomps him, and beats on him until Billy Bitchcakes stumbles outside the ring. Punk distracts himself by going over towards Road Dogg who is on commentary. Billy hits him in the back. Punk is down.
Billy is in control, back from the break. Gunn drops Punk with a big back drop! Headlock applied on Punk, he fights out. Punk tries for a GTS but Billy pushes him off into the ropes and drops Punk with a Dropkick! Bad Ass gets a two count, he taunts, pulls off the t-shirt and throws it at Punk. Crotch chop but Punk roundhouse kicks Billy, dropping him out of the ring. Road Dogg, not looking, gets attacked by Punk who uses this time to shut him up. Billy back in the ring but CM Punk fires up with his WWE2K14 Comeback attack! Road Dogg tries to interfere, Punk knocks him off the ring apron but runs into a Tilt-A-Whirl Slam! Count of 2! Billy and Punk trade shots, Billy tries to use an opportunity to hit his Fame-Asser but Punk moves, GTS, and that’s that.
Winner: CM Punk
Brad Maddox comes on stage for an announcement for Punk but Kane takes the luxury of telling Punk he’ll be the #1 entrant in the Rumble.
-Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar arrive from the John Cena Parking Lot feed-
[Royal Rumble "Numbers" video package]
[Mae Young Tribute video]
Rey Mysterio Vs. Alberto Del Rio
Can I just copy and paste this match from last week? Actually, where is this leading? Batista and Rey reunion? I don’t know. Rey wants to work with this guy at Wrestlemania in a Hair Vs. Mask match? I can’t possibly understand why these two are consistently facing each other week after week. Rey just hit a nice sit-down Dropkick. Does anyone think they’ll make us watch this crap again in March/April? Nice Springboard Moonsault from the outside rope by Mysterio onto ADR. Mike Tenay would’ve said, “Asai Moonsault, lucha libre, Mexican wrestling know-it-all”. Yeah, this match is pretty much paint-by-numbers from last week. OH MY GOD SAME CORNER SPOT AND STALL!! ADR just has a little more aggression this week. He slides Rey outside the ring. Oh no…commercial break…
Great. I wish that Mistico-Sin Cara were in this match. I doubt it would’ve made a commercial break. Funny enough, it seems Rey is botching a bit tonight or ADR has bad timing. Combo of both. These guys trade counters, head scissors and Super Kick Lites. Rey gets a 619 in progress, drops that Splash but ADR gets his hand on the rope. This match is still not over. Rey tries to get something going but ADR revereses a reverse bulldog, locks on the ArmBar, Rey taps. It’s over. For this week.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio via Submission
HERE COMES DAVE! ADR is ready for him. Taking off his glasses, Dave picks up ADR for the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER!!! Batista shakes the ropes and POWERBOMB because DAVE wasn’t tearing a hole in his skinny jeans with the normal Batista Bomb!
Big Show comes in the ring mocking Brock Lesnar. In a child-like voice: Eat. Sleep. Conquer. Repeat. Crowd is somewhat behind this and then Paul Heyman walks onto the stage. Paul paces back and forth and HERE COMES THE PAIN! Brock walks to the ring and then abruptly turns back around, walking to the back. Big Show wants him to get here in his face! Brock and Paul back out.
Brock slowly stalks around the ring until he gets on the apron and inside right in Show's face. Brock chumps Show, both guys laugh as if "Ahhh, gotcha ;-) and then Lesnar shoots into Show but is blocked! Show over-powers Lesnar by tossing him into the corner and then dumping him outside the ring. Brock unnecessarily rips off the table top of the commentators table and also manages to trip over a monitor making the only stink face! Lesnar gets a chair, bangs it on the table, and tries to get in the ring with the chair with a Heyman climb in but Show is no big dummy. Brock stays on the outside, Show stares down Heyman/Lesnar and off they go.
AJ & Tamina Vs. The Funkadactyles
If you go on the WWE APP, you'll see Wade Barrett giving AJ some BAD NEWS. He informs her that everyone on the roster doesn't like her even though she may be the longest reigning WWE Divas champion of all the times. AJ throws a fit while she holds a cake in her hands. She aims for Barrett but ends up hitting Tamina with it. AJ continues to throw a fit.
In the ring, AJ apologizes to Tamina pre-Funkadactyles entrance. The match showed some athleticism from Naomi as she got the winning pin after rolling up AJ on a counter.
Winners: The Funkadactyles
-Rundown of the Royal Rumble card-
-MLK Tribute Video-
The Usos Vs. Luke Harper & Erik Rowan
Fade-in and fade-out entrance for the Wyatts. Luke Harper attacks Jimmy. Stiff shots by Harper. He sends Jimmy into their corner, tags in Rowan. Rowan in control, Jimmy tries to fight back but is bullied by Rowan. Erik throws Jimmy outside the ring, Luke Harper tagged in. Harper drops to the floor and attacks Luke. Uso climbs back in the ring, Harper is attacked by Jey from the ring apron. Jey back on the apron and Jimmy makes the tag. Jey gets in and starts to fire away on Harper. He drops Harper with a hard shot, Jey climbs to the top rope, Harper gets to his feet. Flying Cross Body Block! Cover and Erik Rowan comes in to break up the count. Jimmy is in but gets mauled by a botched claw attack that looked to dump him over the top. Luke Harper back in but Jimmy is able to fight him off to get the tag to Jey! Jey gets in, shots to Harper, climbs the ropes again but Harper regains focus and pushes Jey to the outside of the ring. Jey flies into the barricade!
During the break, it’s been all Wyatts according to Cole. Erik Rowan confirms by clubbing down Jimmy Uso. Luke Harper is tagged in and a GATOR ROLL into a Headlock. Jimmy tries to fight out and back but gets stopped short. Luke guillotines Jey on the bottom rope. Bray has a mic and asks if this is what the crowd wants to see? He runs down Daniel Bryan a bit and then sits back down while Luke Harper just hangs out in a headlock spot. Jimmy finally gets an advantage and uses his window for a high risk attack which works. Jimmy makes the hot tag to Jey! On fire, Jey drops Rowan and then Harper. Corner Uso Spot and Flying Uso spot coming up but only one of two connects. Luke Harper drops Jimmy down with a huge Michinoku Driver! That only gets a two!
DANIEL BRYAN runs down to the ring, attacking Bray! The other Wyatts get distracted and Luke, in the ring, is rolled up from behind for the loss and Uso win.
Winners: The Usos
Kofi Kingston Vs. Randy Orton
A rematch from last week. Orton attacks early with clubs and a quick back back elbow. Orton stays concerned on Cena, Kofi takes advantage and shoots on Orton. Randy makes haste to the outside, Kofi follows, and gets him back in the ring. Randy Orton goes out the other side, gets the upper hand on Kofi. He beats on Kingston a bit on the outside and rolls him and self back in the ring on a 6 count. Kofi stays resilient though and fights back with fists of his own, tosses the Champ in the corner and tries a flying forearm attack. Randy is hit but rebounds quickly and gets the advantage. Both guys trade counter after counter until JOHN CENA PARKING LOT FEED shows the arrival John Cena! John charges from the parking lot to the ring, gets there, and Orton tries to bail but Kofi cuts him off and feeds him to John and this match is over.
Winner: Kofi Kingston via DQ
John Cena and Randy Orton fight through the crowd, into the concession stands, and out to the front of the stadium where a car is waiting for him. The commentators wonder who it is? John Cena celebrates back in the arena through the crowd and back to the ring for the go home show to the Royal Rumble.